It seems that the no-contact orders and the time apart between Sam and his father only fueled James’s fire. James had a lot of time to think… and apparently, send emails.
Since James is now realizing that he can’t remove Sam completely from my life, he started suggesting boarding schools or emancipation.
Never ONE time, not once has he taken any responsibility. He continues to blame me and my “crew” — meaning the GAL, the therapist, my attorney and the judge.
This is where the narcissism aspect plays a role. I think the therapist put it best when he said, “We lost the battle but not the war.”
I have over 460 emails from him over these past two years. The emails are terrible. I can handle them, but the sad part is they represent the kinds of toxic views and conversations he has with my boys – now that he is back in Sam’s life.
I am just going to pull some of the quotes James wrote to me:
“… I want to address your childish high school psychology game of blaming your horrible relationship with your kids on parent alienation and of course on me. That is an easy way to deflect responsibility and cover your tracks especially among biased, poorly educated and uninformed people.”
I believe he is calling the judge, therapist and GAL these “poorly uniformed people.”
He goes on to say:
“The problem lies with you, your past, present and continuing behavior and not anyone else’s. Instead of blaming your failures of character on me and other made up stories like parent alienation try looking in the mirror as that is the source. You need to get a real doctor. You should show these to a doctor and see if he can help you.”
“Last night I discussed our son’s future with him and the severe emotional damage he has suffered as a result of the very unfortunate events that certain adults have forced upon him. As you refuse to allow him to live wherever he wants, you have caused him great personal distress in his life. In other words, he has finally given up hope in having a decent life here and you and your crack of professionals bear that responsibility. No child should be forced to endure the utter abuse and insanity that he has, all designed to remove a father from his son’s life at your request. Since you will not agree to let him live with me and he does not want to live with you I can see no good outcome and will not be around to watch. I did, however, tell him that I would support sending him to a boarding school. I am trying to save him from the abyss as a result of your failures.”
“Let me suggest that whether you like it or not you very seriously damaged your relationship with your son and put him through hell with you and your “group.” Your gang attempted to destroy my relationship with my son which is a terrible mistake and one that any child could see wrong and doomed to failure. You can’t force him to accept what he knows is a lie. He is going to be emancipated sooner or later and the harder you make it the more he will resent you. He is working on that now and is serious. My proposal is that you let him live with me now with no strings attached or you can just leave things in the mess they are now until he is emancipated.”
“This is your fault and yours alone. I need you to take ownership and do the right thing if you really want what is best for our son. His only chance now is to go to a boarding school and turn around the disaster you created. You and your group have succeeded in removing a father from a son’s life. So now you can agree with me and do what is best for him and send him to a quality prep school or continue to play your games and watch him turn out just like so many other troubled boys without a father in their lives raised by a naive woman.”
“Very soon he will be free of you and then he can do what he wants. I suggest that you realize all the lies and dirty tricks have backfired on you and yours and you have lost one child for life and unless you stop the Joan Crawford routine you will lose our youngest as well.”
And then:
“Can you please stop showing up at Sam’s games? You are a huge source of embarrassment for him as it is “Creepy” the way you hang out around the dugout and want to be close to little boys as you dress scantily in leather and gold chains.”
For context here, I was the volunteer photographer for Sam’s baseball team. I volunteered hours of my time for that baseball team. Parents, kids and coaches seemed very appreciative of the service I was providing for them. Sam, on the other hand, was hearing these kinds of accusations from his dad every night.
James never showed up for one baseball game. Not one the entire year. I should also mention that I don’t own any leather or gold chains!
“I need to be brutally honest here and perhaps that will help you understand the situation. Sam absolutely despises you and wants nothing to do with you and your family. I want you to completely understand why as it goes back to the abuse he suffered. Per the terms of the divorce, we were to share custody of him 50/50 and one day after signing the papers you and your team of filth went to work. This period of utter madness culminated with the GAL and therapist followed your orders and tried to ban me from my son’s life. That liability which was created will have future as well as past consequences and was just despicable for even someone as low as you. The result is that Johnny has forever terminated any communication with you or your family and Sam isn’t far behind. I warned you and your collection of fools that what you were doing was destroying any chance you have with him. Even though you and the gang did your best to alienate me from my son, it backfired as he already knew the truth and saw what fools you and your group was and now has become very angry.”
Please keep in mind, the judge did not remove James from Sam’s life forever. Moments in time to give James a chance to get his act together.
This last email really got to me:
“You may not believe this but I am trying to help you repair your severely damaged relationship with your son so please consider what I am going to tell you. You can do yourself a world of good–by saying I am sorry. I am sorry for listening to the wrong people, and myself and destroying your summer and the last two years of your life. I am sorry for using the system and lies to force you to live with me and removing you from the home you love and the relationship with your father. I am sorry for taking away your summer vacation and forcing a four-month no contact period with your father. I am sorry for forcing you to go to therapy sessions and pulling you out of school to listen to more lies. I am sorry that things have worked out this way and I want to make it right and I will no longer force you to live with me if you do not wish to or try to interfere with your time with your father and I want to going forward make this right. Tell him that people make mistakes and you did not intend to hurt him so much and you agree to let him attend a prep school or live with his father, whichever he prefers.”
“You are trash and you come from trash. Your parents are well known in this city and virtually your entire family has been divorced and has a reputation. You are in denial, you project, you are a pathological liar and a sociopath, you stalk me.” “Stop stalking Sam or I will get your parole officer involved. It is sickening but again it is my fault for getting involved with trash.”
Again, I want to make it clear that I was never trying to take my son away from his dad. I wanted a healthy relationship for all of us. I would never tell any of my boys that I didn’t want them to see their dad or that they had to pick one parent over the other. That is sick! That is hurtful! That puts kids in an impossible situation.
I wanted and still want to be on the same page with their dad. Co-parent. I want to be positive role models for these boys and teach them how to love and respect women.
