Even though Sam is now 18 and I have been blocked on all forms of communication since his birthday in August, I continue to follow his school progress online.  About once a week I write him a short letter and tell him how much I miss him and love him. I usually print off a picture of the two of us and enclose that as well. I leave them on the windshield of his car. I am not sure if he reads them or not. I hope it makes him feel like I am still here, still thinking of him and still reaching out to him whether he is reading them or not.  

Today I put a note on his car a few minutes before school got out.  I went to my next job which was right by Sam’s high school.  That job lasted about an hour.  When I was heading home I noticed Sam’s car was still in the parking lot as I passed the school.  I pulled in and Sam was walking out.  I parked and watched him.  He was walking towards his car, looking down at his phone.  My heart felt so heavy and so sad.  I miss him terribly!  He went straight to his car without seeing me.  

I went over and tapped on his window.  Sam took one look at me and dialed his father.  His father was on speaker and I could hear them talking.  Sam said, “Maria is here!”  James said, “Call the police on that crazy bitch.”  

Sam then hung up with his father.  He cracked the window and told me that if I didn’t move away from the car he would call the police.  In the kindest, quietest voice, (as I could barely speak) I asked Sam if he would step out of the car and talk to me.  I said I just wanted to see if he was doing ok.  

Sam then took his phone and dialed “911” and held it up to the window.  I once again asked Sam to put the phone down and talk to me.  Sam hit the send button and called the police on me in the school parking lot.  

I just walked away in shock, wondering now how the rest of the day is going to unfold.

The rejection doesn’t get any easier.  It’s like a punch in the gut.  It takes my breath away.  The sadness is all consuming.  I still can’t wrap my brain around this.  

When I got home, I got a call from the police.  The story that was told to the police officer was that  I was screaming and kicking and pounding on Sam’s car and that I had him blocked in.  Of course, there were many people in the parking lot and I assume the school has security cameras.  Once again, here I am in defense mode.  I told the police that I would be happy to pursue this, that I guarantee I didn’t do any of those things.  

The officer gave me a case number and told me that this was my warning and that if I went to the school to see Sam again or put a note on his car that Sam and his dad could press charges if they wanted to.  I asked the police officer if he was a dad.  I said, “What is the harm in putting a note on your child’s car telling him you are thinking of him?”  

He told me that Sam has requested that I leave him alone.  Now that he is 18 he has the right to say that.  Sam has the right to tell police that he doesn’t want his mother around him.  I have been told to stay away from Sam and his school.  

I have been completely carved out of his life.  I get shut out at every turn. I am out of ideas.